


"Did the Matrix tell you that I was upset, or was it your keen librarian instincts?"

by TheEnchantedQuill



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Fear of Death, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Optimus upsets his boo, Partner Betrayal, Ratchet is hurt, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23308441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEnchantedQuill/pseuds/TheEnchantedQuill
Summary: Optimus pushes Ratchet to open up to him and finds that he has hurt his medic.Read the notes for context. All aboard the sad feels express!
Relationships: Optimus Prime/Ratchet
Comments: 8
Kudos: 95





	"Did the Matrix tell you that I was upset, or was it your keen librarian instincts?"

**Author's Note:**

> This is set right after the events of Orion Pax, when Optimus returns to the base with his memories in tact.

It wasn't difficult to tell when Ratchet was upset. He was very expressive, from his tone to the smallest of his movements. Optimus had known him for a very, very long time, and had learned how to determine his medic's mood simply by watching his servos move, or the swivel of his hips as he turned around, or the way he would set his jaw. 

He could tell now that Ratchet was very upset. 

Ratchet was not vocalizing his feelings, which caught Optimus off guard. He was very vocal about his emotions when he was with Optimus. Not now, however.

From his seat on a workbench, he watched Ratchet work. The base was quiet, it was late, they were the last two up. When he lovingly embraced his medic and invited him to their berth, Ratchet had brushed it off harshly and ignored his further presence. 

This was strange. 

Ratchet had been overjoyed when he came home, his memories in tact, finally safe and with his friends and family. Everyone had welcomed him back so happily, and he was so spellbound by the warmth, he had failed to notice how Ratchet's mood seemed to decline as the night progressed. By the time everyone had retreated to their berths, Ratchet had become quiet and bitter.

Optimus, his elbows resting on his knees, and his servos supporting his chin, observed Ratchet closely. His shoulders were tense- stressed. His servos were unsteady and shaky- pained. His digits pounded at the keyboard harder than necessary- angry. 

After his analyzation, Optimus concluded that Ratchet was conflicted and hurt. 

Now was the time to approach him.

He rose slowly, the bench creaking as his weight left it. Ratchet's unsteady typing didn't falter. Venting quietly, he strode over to his medic, moving to stand beside him at the monitor. He sensed a tremor in Ratchet's tense plating. He reached out to soothe it, to stroke and massage those tense shoulders, but Ratchet moved away from him and uttered a stern, "No, Optimus."

His first attempt rejected, Optimus hesitated a moment to rethink his follow up. "Ratchet, will you please speak to me?" He asked in a quiet, gentle voice, as if he were addressing an aggressive stallion that could charge him any moment. Ratchet's servos stilled on the keyboard, but his optics still didn't meet Optimus'. "Please? I know you are. . . Upset." He inwardly cringed. He had made another mistake. 

"Did the Wisdom of the Primes tell you that? Did the Matrix tell you that I was upset, or was it your keen librarian instincts?" Ratchet snapped. 

His second attempt was also a failure. Optimus stopped himself from sighing out loud. "I didn't mean-"

"No no, please, continue to analyze me. How upset am I? Am I angry?" The rise in his voice made Optimus glance at the door warily- he didn't want any of the others to wake and investigate. Still, Ratchet didn't meet his optics. 

"I didn't mean to assume, though I do believe my assumption- my speculation is accurate. You are not happy with me. Will you please tell me why?" Optimus' voice stayed quiet still. 

Ratchet didn't answer him, only stared straight ahead, his jaw clenched. 

"I speculate," Optimus watched him closely, "That I have hurt you in some way, and that you are angry with me." 

There was a pause.

"Ratchet, please." He closed his optics and inhaled. "This has been hard for me, Ratchet. I am afraid of what may have happened while I was on the Nemesis. I am afraid of what will follow." His tanks churned at the thought. "I feel that I've lost a part of me." He waited through a silence, basking in it, drowning in the heavy atmosphere. He had thought that maybe opening up to Ratchet would be the answer, but evidently-

"You feel that you've lost a part of you." Ratchet's voice brought him to open his optics. He was surprised with what he found. 

All of the angry energy that had practically been rolling off of Ratchet's frame was gone. Instead, he sagged, looking weak and sad. Optimus' spark froze when he saw the tears rolling down Ratchet's cheeks. 

A joyless laugh left Ratchet. "You were really going to leave me. You didn't have a second thought about it, did you?" He looked at Optimus, his tear streaked face burning a hole through his Prime. "You aren't the only one who lost a part of himself."

Optimus stared at him, absolutely clueless. That seemed to aggravate Ratchet.

The medic turned to fully face him, his fury replenished. "You really have no recollection? You have no idea what this is about?"

"Ratchet, I-"

"No, I don't want to hear it!" A fresh round of tears made it down Ratchet's cheeks, and he turned away to pace back and forth, not unlike a caged tiger. "Optimus, you went to Unicron, _FULLY BELIEVING_ that you wouldn't be returning home. You gave the keycard to Jack because of it. You _KNEW_ that something bad would happen to you, you _KNEW_ that you wouldn't be coming back."

Optimus stood, silent and helpless, listening. Everything Ratchet had said thus far was true. What was his point?

"You knew all of this. . . And you didn't tell me. You didn't tell me that it would've been the last time we ever spoke. We are fragging _LOVERS_ , Optimus, and you couldn't even spare me a 'goodbye'. A 'I love you and I'm sorry that I have to do this.' You were going to leave me without saying _ANYTHING_ to me. You were going to walk out and give your life for Earth and I would never have known until it was too late." Ratchet was sobbing now, covering his mouth to stifle the sounds, his pacing halted. "I was going to lose you. You didn't even think to tell me that I'd never see you again. Why? Was I. . ." He lowered his servos to look into Optimus' optics, his face wet, his frame trembling. "Was I not important enough?"

Optimus took a step towards him and he flinched away. "Ratchet. . ." He whispered, spark aching. He wanted to grab his medic and hold him so badly, he shook with the effort of holding back.

"I love you more than anything, I'd do anything for you," Ratchet choked through sobs, "You didn't. . . You don't love me enough to say goodbye before leaving me forever?" 

Optimus tried again to approach him, and Ratchet turned on his heel, fleeing to the hallway. The sound of his door closing and locking echoed through Optimus' helm, like a bell, a powerful sound that sent a pang of hurt straight to his spark. 

He had never seen Ratchet cry.


End file.
